Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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