it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
