i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
