HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
