You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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