I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
