So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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