just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
