we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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