Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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