I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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