Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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