fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
