yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize