Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
