You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you made out with another girl for some wings
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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