Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize