I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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