Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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