And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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