dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
