if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize