Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
