i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
