I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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