i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
