She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
