Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
