Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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