I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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