Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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