those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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