I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize