not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize