if you like me you must not know who I am
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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