We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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