I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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