I hate all girls vehemently.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
