Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
