ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
