so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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