Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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