dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
