I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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