If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
