Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
