You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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