He is an equal opportunity slut.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize