somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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