Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
