No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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