the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
