I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
