So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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