OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Are we still banned from the library?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
