i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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