My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
