i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
