Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize