You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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