Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
