Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
