allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
