Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
