I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jerry, you need to find god
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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