We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
where are you?
Hypothermia
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
