you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
