I just threw up on my dentist
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
