So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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