Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
