PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize